College is Weird

Yes College is kind of weird. But not in a bad way. 

I feel like I've waited for college my whole life. Researching since the age of 15 and dreaming about going to the "ideal school". Now I'm here sitting in my dorm room on my lifted bed at 12:46am writing on my blog.

The concept of "university", having the freedom and a whole new fresh start was something I've always looked forward too. Living in a whole new city and making new memories with different people. However, sometimes I forget that not everything is handed to me on a golden plate, especially how I feel in a new environment. I keep reminding myself that it is going to take me at least 8 months to feel comfortable or like a new environment and I think that is a great tactic (well for me, this is just my own opinions).

Let me put a picture in your head on how I imagined college to be like.

Clueless me walking through the hallways of my freshmen dorm built a little like a prison cell where were supposed to "cherish" and "grow" I start to move in all my stuff and of course I decide to leave my door open. I say hi to people walking past me and they introduce themselves and I do the same. During welcome week I would meet a range of amazing people and really click with a lot of them. I would then magically be part of a friend group with a good ratio of guys and girls. I then meet more of my friends through my lectures and other random places and I love it right away.

Sorry to break it to you but it isn't exactly like that, but it doesn't mean it's better than what I have actually experienced.

You simply can not predict the future a lot of the time. I believe everything happens for a reason. During move in and the first week I probably really became friends with about 4 people, you may be thinking wow you're so unsocial I thought you're supposed to meet so many people in the first week. One part of that is true and one of that is not. Yes, I met A LOT of people my first week but it doesn't mean we clicked or became friends. It takes more than just a "hey what's your name" to become friends with someone. However I met one of my closest friends here so far on the first week and I'm really happy about that. I expected everything to happen too quickly. I thought that making friends in classes would be easy but I was wrong and it is actually harder to make friends in classes because you go in, listen to the professor and then leave. Fortunately from the 2 months I have been here I have developed some friendships with some people in my classes and school work is getting better and more copable (that is not a word but you know what I mean). After 2 months I feel like I've found great friends that I can trust even though I'm still getting to know all of them.

Just remember that time heals and solves everything. You're hungry but you don't want to eat? wait it out. You're in a rut in college and want to transfer? Give it a year. I usually don't tell people to listen to my advice but from my own experiences time really helps.

If you have gotten this far, wow well done if I saw this on the internet I for sure would not read something this long written by a college freshmen.

Best,

Emma 

A New Chapter

It's been a while. I'm not very good at blogging but I mean who says I have to post all the time, but I should post more often. Well stating from the title my life is about to change quite a bit. I've graduated from High school, did the IB (and boy were those 2 years the roughest 2 years of my life), Turning 18 in a month and I'm going to be living and studying in the US in 3 months. Living in the US is going to be very different, I've lived in an asian country my whole life, even though I grew up in a western society I'm comfortable living in an asian environment. However things have to change and I'm excited, excited about the future (sorry if this is getting cheesy).

I will be attending Northeastern University and I'm going to be in the Business school. Even though I'm registered as a marketing major, I'm not entirely sure on what I want to do in the future or whether I want to still do marketing or not. I have been dreaming about living in Boston for a very long time and it is finally happening, and of course I was ecstatic when I first found out. I couldn't stop thinking about it at first, but now I feel like I've thought about it so much it is now a norm and I am no longer as "excited" as I was a few months ago. I mean don't get me wrong I am still very grateful and very excited to go to Northeastern, but right now after graduation and all the celebrations, my life has been quite dull. I feel like my emotions have been dulled (is that a word), all I do now is sleep, eat, watch tv shows, gym a little and maybe see the occasional friend. This is definitely a first world problem but I feel so unconnected being in Bangkok. Even though I've lived here for almost 15 years I feel different. My close family is back in Singapore where my room, belongings and my close friends are, who I really miss. 

After writing dozens of college essays I've noticed that they wanted to know where "home" is to me. home to me is not where my blood is or even where I'm "from" home is where I'm comfortable and happy. And I don't know whether I am those things back here in Bangkok. I'm here for 3 weeks which I mean is not torture but it's 3 weeks that I'm not sure what I'm going to do and what I'm going to spend my time doing.

I'm probably writing all of this for myself, but by any chance anyone is reading this, I hope you feel comfortable where you are. Have a great summer 

- Emma K.

x

Reasons Why Weight Loss is Dificult

Weight loss is usually a topic that is either talked a lot about or not at all. It is a sensitive topic. Myself included is in that population where we are struggling to get through the "weight loss journey". I thought I would tell you my story and what I have gone through in terms of body image, hope this can help someone or let them see what I see.

When I was younger I was a very small kid. However I love food A LOT and I'm probably underestimating how much I loved (still do) food. So imagine a small child who kept eating and eating until a point where her stomach had to expand because there was no more space. Those years were kind of a blur to me, but I remember getting chubbier as the years went by. Being chubby in elementary school did not make my life easier, kids would tell me I'm fat and ugly, and I would always be the one left out. But I feel like we all have to go through that stage to where we are now. My elementary school days were difficult, but it was a journey that I would not change.

Then comes middle school, this was a time where my growth spurt started to develop a lot faster than I expected. At the age of 11 I grew so much I stretched my whole body, I got thinner. But if I were to think back to what I thought about myself, I was not happy with my body, I thought I was fat. I would wear long sleeves in the swimming pool just because I was insecure about my body. Looking back now, I should have never been so worried. At that time my parents also forced me to join the swimming team and that was one of the reasons why I got so skinny. When I looked at old pictures I was surprised by how skinny I was, but never once when I was at that stage happy with my body. I was still very insecure about every inch of it. After 2 years in the swimming team I decided to quit because I hated swimming. One tip, working out should be a least a little bit enjoyable, if it is torture to you then even if you keep trying it won't last long because you would rather do something you love.

As years past after I quit swimming, it was no surprise I gained weight. I gradually gained it every year. I have tried the low carb diet, nutrition plans and different alternatives and somehow it never stuck. Don't get me wrong, I'm not blaming the diets but it was me. I only have will power to a certain extent. A lot of what I have been focusing on lately is whether I am happy or not, and the truth is I'm not sure. I see myself and I know that I'm not happy with my body. And of course there are days where I try to be healthy but there are days that are not so healthy. The same goes with diets, I recently watched a Blogilates video about her dieting experience and how it harmed her than better her. So my big point about this is motivation and will power is hard to get and if you have a lot of that then go be the person you want to be. Just know thats it's ok to be in that stage, I'm still in that stage of not knowing what to eat and what to think about myself. Keep trying and I'm sure you'll get there.

-EK